Killing pastors One Cut at a time....

From Flat tires to Cancer…..How we are guilty of helping to defeat our church pastors…. You may not agree with what I am about to write, but that is ok with me….this is what I feel in my heart to say about this situation. This past Sunday, our pastor committed suicide. Obviously it was a shock to all of us and our hearts are saddened and hurting for his family as well as for ourselves. But in trying to make sense of this event, let’s take a moment to look at some sobering statistics, according to the Schaeffer Institute, 70% of pastors fight depression and over 71% are burned out. See: http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/watchman-on-the-wall/42063-why-are-so-many-pastors-committing-suicide. Another insightful paper can be found at: http://www.benjaminisraelrobinson.com/pastors-committing-suicide/ Since I became a Christian some 32 years ago, I have had the pleasure to know a number of great pastors personally. These were mighty men of God, gifted and ordained to preach the gospel and take care of their flocks. These men were extroverts, outgoing and eager to try to help for any reason. Their wives? Not so eager. In fact, I found their wives to be more reserved and somewhat reticent in a number of occasions. I could not blame them if they were angry. But then, why shouldn’t they be? Here you are married to a man who comes home each night bringing in the burdens of his flock with him that he has listened to each day for how many years? His brain and energy have been sucked dry with issues he is not trained to deal with in any sort of in depth manner. He has been to seminary or undergone theological training, but he is not….a financial consultant, a medical doctor or a psychiatrist. He cannot fix all of the things that go wrong in his congregation. I cannot fix the things I see and hear about in the news. I can turn it off or not read about it. He can’t. This is his job. He can listen to yours (or my) problems and be concerned but in the end exactly what can he do about them? For the most part, practically nothing. He can pray for us, but we can pray for ourselves. He wants to help, but his ability to help is either constrained by the finances of the church or its resources. The more compassionate he is, the larger the load he carries for the things he cannot fix. His wife sees him carrying these burdens year after year. She hears him talk and pray about the things he wants to fix, but cannot. Perhaps she views the congregation as too many ‘takers’ and not enough givers. He doesn’t discuss names, so how does she know who has a real burden or who is wasting the time and energy of the man she loves with a trivial problem that they could or should fix themselves? She doesn’t. All she sees are people vying for the time and attention of her husband, year after year after year. When he comes home, it’s as if his big toe has been pulled off and his brains have drained out. We are all to blame, regardless if we are or not. There were those yesterday that said to us…. “How could he do this to US? To this church?” It isn’t about US….or this Church…it’s about him. How did we fail him by not giving him the support and assistance his selected vocation requires? We want pastors who have compassion and are caring and have concerns for their members, but at what cost? Look at those statistics again….70% suffer from depression. Who wouldn’t if they had to listen to a constant litany of whining from people to solve their problems that they ought to take care of for themselves? Cancer, death of children, loss of job or other major issues….sure but come on, taking time to ask the pastor for gas money or finding a job for their kids in the summer…complaining about the sermon you heard this week? Perhaps it was for you to hear. Didn’t like the decorations for the last church luncheon? How about you doing them next time we have an event? Don’t care for the food that was served last Wednesday night? Can you cook? Just get in that kitchen and whip up something for 10-150 people. No tables for you to eat snacks off of in your Bible study class? Grow up. Leave the pastor alone …..he has better things to do with his time. Then we have the issue of some church members dealing with their pastors as their own personal priests. They look to their pastor as somehow being closer to God. I have had pastors tell me that men and women come to them to ask for prayer because they think God listens to the prayers of the pastor more than to their prayers. They want the pastor to do their praying for them. Lord help us. This event causes me to worry for the mental health and well-being of our young pastors and their families. They need to be aware of the dangers of worrying about problems they cannot solve or remedy. They need to focus on the issues they can have some effect upon and leave the others at the steps of the church each night when they go home. I know this is easier said than done, but adding more and more to your load with eventually cause you to break down and then what good are you? I also think this is a perfect time for us to reflect on how we can be of better assistance to our pastoral staff. Do we make them…yes, MAKE them take vacations and breaks on a regular basis. Do we utilize the staff for mundane requests that arrive on a daily basis? A flat tire and a hangnail is important to the person dealing with them at the time, but come on, someone on the staff should be able to assist with minor issues so that the pastor does not get overwhelmed with every event. Does the deacon body provide assistance and help or are they standing around impressed with their title and not interested in serving the church body? Please do not get me wrong on this message….I do think the pastor cares and should care for the people in the purview of his responsibility, but let’s be real….he is a man. He has needs, feeling and shortcomings as we all do. We cannot put these men (and or women) on such a high pedestal that they hurt themselves when they fall back to earth. We, us, you and me….need to pray for guidance and God’s wisdom on how we can help prevent these tragedies from occurring. These men and women of God who have voluntarily chosen to be servants of the Lord Jesus Christ need all of our help and assistance we can give to them….they cannot nor should they be expected to carry these troubles and burdens all alone. God Bless us all…..