BOOKAHOLIC

 

BOOKAHOLIC…..?

 

“My name is Peary Perry”.
“Welcome, Peary Perry”.
“I am a bookaholic.”
“Welcome, Peary Perry, bookaholic.”

I suppose that’s how it would go if there was such an organization. I probably need to join some kind of social group to be able to restrain my book buying, book saving compulsion. I can’t seem to help myself and am in danger of spinning totally out of control.

When we moved some months ago, I know we had more boxes containing books than any other item in our house. I have quit trying to count how many we have scattered all around each room. I tell myself I’m going to stop buying new ones and start reading the old ones, but somehow that just never seems to happen. Long ago I stopped feeling huge amounts of guilt because I have books which were bought twenty years ago that haven’t been read as of yet.

Now, to be honest most of the books I have not read are all reference books of some sort, not novels. Well, that’s not totally true; in fact, that’s a lie. Years ago, I signed up for some program called “The 100 Greatest Books of All Time.” Each month for 100 months (almost 9 years!) I got a gold edged leather bound book in the mail. Little ditties like ‘War and Peace” and “Tristam Shandy” and that all-time favorite…. “The Peloponnesian War.” Books that you find difficult to pick up and slip off to some quiet corner for an afternoon of light reading enjoyment. All 100 of these came with a synopsis outlining the story and plot. I can’t even bring myself to read those. So, they sat in a bookshelf looking marvelous which would elicit comments from visitors from time to time. Comments such as … “Oh, how nice…I suppose you’ve read all of these?”

I finally figured out that I am not going to live long enough to read these, so I gave them all away. I hope someone reads them. It helps to get rid of some guilt.

I don’t keep novels, once I’ve read them, I tend to pass them along to someone else to enjoy or throw away. My wife reads a lot of the things I happen to like so she gets first dibs and then they go to whoever is interested in the leftovers. She and I differ in our reading beliefs. Once I start a book, I’ll try to finish it unless it’s really, really bad. I mean really, really bad. I keep thinking it might get better if I just wait long enough. She won’t do this. She starts one, and if it stinks, then she has no problem stopping, not going to waste her time. As you can guess, I find this hard to do.

I get on one subject and tend to stay there until I just get sick of it. Take this year, for instance, I had gotten into a group of novels that were some 1000 pages long. I think I did about six of them before I gave up and surrendered. I felt like these people were taking over my life. Then I found a mystery writer and read all thirteen of his books. After the last one, I panicked and found myself online and at Amazon/Kindle searching for the titles in a sort of daze much like some drug addict looking for their next fix. I’ve done Roman history novels, World War I and II novels, spy stuff, murders; English naval novels…just about anything entertaining that I can get my hands on will satisfy my compulsive craving.

I shy away from westerns and science fiction, but everything else is fair game as far as I’m concerned. Historical fiction is the best if it’s done right. Which is hard to do and still be entertaining. My hat is off to writers such as these since it is so difficult to be both factual and entertaining. Try writing about the Donner Pass story and make it readable.

I no longer belong to any book of the month club. I guess they’re still around, but I kept getting things in the mail that weren’t interesting and you have to pay for them or ship them back. Do they even have book clubs anymore? I never really liked the way the pages looked at the ends, like they were torn rather than cut. No one could ever tell me why they looked that way in the first place. I do remember they weren’t all that cheap. Especially if you forgot to mail in the little card each month telling them you didn’t want that month’s selection. Some of their selections were awful, but you still had to pay for them. I’m sure this is how they made their money.

I suppose my addictive habit is somewhat harmless, it keeps me off the streets and out of the bars. Besides, you save more money buying books than you can buying glasses of wine these days. And you still have something to give away.

But, then that’s another story.

See you next week….Peary Perry

 

HAVE A FEW LAUGHS ON ME

 

HAVE FEW LAUGHS ON ME….

 

In spite of the problem in Iran and with politics in general, I have managed to come up with a number of comments which I think might just bring a smile to your faces this week. These are compiled from information some friends have sent to me as well as my own observations on life in general. I trust you can identify with these and have a laugh or two.

Questions you just can't answer:

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

What are the handles for corn on the cob called?

Why do they put holes in crackers?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM’s?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If the plural of mouse is mice….why isn’t the plural of house….hice?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder.....

How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?

How far east can you go before you're heading west?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and keep reading…..

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?

Bet you never thought about these:

Rotating your foot and writing a "6": If you lift your right foot and rotate it clockwise while trying to draw a "6" in the air with your hand, your brain gets completely tripped up and changes the direction of your foot

Sneezing with your eyes open: While popular myths claim your eyes will pop out (they won't), a sneeze triggers an involuntary reflex that clenches your eyelids shut

Licking your own elbow: It is anatomically impossible for 99% of people, requiring a combination of a ridiculously long tongue and exceptionally short upper arms.

Stop trying to do these and get back to work..

Enough of this for this week…..have a good week…

Peary Perry

NEXT WEEK IS...

NEXT WEEK IS….

Next week we’ll celebrate Memorial Day. Another national holiday to some but one that should be of major importance to us all.

Memorial Day is the day we’ve set aside to honor those who have died in the defense of our nation since its inception. All too often we use this day off from work as the start of summer without any regard to its meaning or significance. We picnic, barbecue, swim or do a multitude of other outdoor activities without taking even a moment to think about why we are observing the day in the first place.

If you go to this website: (http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0004615.html) you’ll find a list of all of the war casualties beginning with the Revolutionary War to the present. Total these up and it comes out to a little over 1,190,000 citizens of this country who have died in battle or as a result of a battle for our liberty. I haven’t been to any of the military cemeteries in Europe, but I have seen photos of the 1,000 of markers for some American who gave their life to allow you and me to have the freedoms that we enjoy. I have been to the Vietnam memorial in Washington, D.C. and that will certainly put a lump in your throat.

This is what Memorial Day is about. It isn’t about carpooling to a theme park or grabbing a choice table at the park. It’s about remembering those who died so that we can live in this country. It’s about giving some thought to how we remain free and enjoy our lives as a result of someone giving up their lives to protect us.

I am a veteran, but it isn’t me that should receive honor on Memorial Day, it’s those who did not get to come home. Those of us who survived celebrate ‘Veteran’s Day” in November.

In the past several years we’ve had several movies or television programs about war. “Saving Private Ryan” as well as “Band of Brothers” and the series…. “Pacific”. It’s my opinion these should be required viewing for all of our students at some point in their education. The only time anyone ever shot at me was when I was a cop and I had a hard time remembering how I felt at the time since the incidents were so brief. If you have seen any of the war productions, I think you will agree with me that they are probably the most accurate portrayal of an actual battlefield experience other than a documentary. I cannot see how anyone who survived those battles could easily sit through a screening of these films without having some sort of flashback. I have heard real war veterans tell me they had a hard time sitting through some of the movies. These will hurt your heart.

My Dad made the Normandy invasion on June 6th, 1944, but he never talked about it. After seeing these film productions, I think I can imagine why. The violence was so great and inhuman I think it would be impossible not to scar you for life with the imprint of death and destruction. It’s a wonder any of our men and women who did come home could ever function in civilized society again. Requiring our youngsters to see these films would serve to make them aware of the huge sacrifices others have made for our freedom. Certainly, we have issues and differences in this country between ourselves, but in the end we are Americans and we owe a lot to the people who died on our behalf.

The holiday was actually started back in May of 1865 in Charleston, South Carolina by a group of former slaves who had been freed as a result of the Civil War. A mass grave for Union soldiers was exhumed and their remains reburied in individual grave sites. Their memory was celebrated and called Decoration Day. A crowd of over 10,000 showed up for the celebration. The term ‘Memorial Day’ was first used in 1882 and was celebrated on May 30th, until 1968, when the Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill which moved three holidays to a specified Monday in order to make a three day weekend. The time for a moment of remembrance is 3pm on Memorial Day and all flags should be flown at half-staff until noon on this day.

I’m certain there are those reading my columns who may object to the thought that we should teach our youth about war and its horrors. My only comment would be that their freedom to object is given to them and to me as a direct result of the lives of the men and women who sacrificed their lives for all of us. Not just one or two of us, but for all of us. Our history is what defines us, we should never forget these heroes and certainly should think of them at least for a moment on Memorial Day, 2026 and every year thereafter.

© Peary Perry