"Crime does not pay, except"

 

"Crime does not pay ... as well as politics."
By Alfred E. Newman

Seems to me that Alfred E. Newman was that weird little guy from the old Mad Magazine comic books. Even though he is a fictional character, he sure got it right this time. Here we are at the beginning of the political season once again. As Americans we can eagerly look forward to another round of vigorous mud slinging, back stabbing, lying, cheating and scandal as the candidates get under way once again in their pursuit to lead this country. We'll probably get all of the aforementioned within the first year or so, leaving us more time to mull over which candidates are the most convincing in their efforts to sway the undecided voters in our nation.

Don't be fooled into thinking it's the Republicans or the Democrats who will decide who will lead us because it isn't. The Democrats will exercise their votes for their candidate no matter what. The Republicans likewise. Those who voted Republican and those who voted Democratic are not likely to change their minds, no matter what, you can forget that idea.

No, the deciding vote in this election will be those who are currently undecided. Those are the votes that will make the difference. Those are the voters that each party will be courting for the next five; count 'em, five months until November gets here. This is also the group who have somehow avoided what each of our political parties has been doing for many months. How you can avoid liking or disliking the political activity in this country is beyond me. Various polls recorded 15% of our voters are ‘undecided’. I didn’t realize this many people lived in areas so remote in this country that they can remain ignorant of our political situations.

So, just sit tight and get yourself prepared to see nothing but political posturing along with family pictures with lots of dogs and 'the little people'. Then you'll see long shots of various candidates looking as if in deep concentration over some worldwide dilemma in which their decision might just mean the end of human existence, as we know it. In addition, we must survive the debates and the interviews with all of the networks talking heads. Now, some of these I find amusing since they ask questions, which are impossible to answer or for any normal person to be prepared to handle.

These are along the lines of:
Interviewer (I): "So, if you're elected Senator, how would you handle the effects of an oncoming collision with an asteroid the size of Rhode Island?"
Potential contender (PC): "I'm glad you asked that question, Steve…I've prepared a study (unrolls a large chart) showing what we should do under my leadership once I'm elected."
I: "Your chart is blank…."
PC: (Looking astonished) "Well, so it is Roger, that's because my Blue Ribbon Select Asteroid Emergency committee is developing an exit strategy for Rhode Island as we speak, something my worthy opponent hasn't even started to think about. We'll unveil our twenty-five-point plan in December."
I: "But, that's a month after the election."
PC: "Of course, it is…. John, you can't expect us to announce this daring new and innovative idea BEFORE the election, can you? Our worthy, but slimy opponent might steal it and try to use it for themselves.
I: "Moving on, can you share with us your vision for improving the economy in this country?"
PC: "I'm so glad you asked that question, Sean, which is one very intelligent question that deserves an answer."
Time passes. Nothing but silence from the continually smiling, pointing and waving candidate.
I: "I'm sorry but I didn't hear your answer."
PC: "Well, Tom, without telling you too much of our plans ahead of time, I will say to you that when I am elected we will be able to add another 500 million new jobs to our current economy. This should bring us back to full prosperity and make us the envy of the free world."
I: "That's a very ambitious plan, but we only have a current population of about 350 million people in the entire country, including children, where would you get all of the people to fill those jobs?"
PC: "Well, Peter…that's a secret you and the rest of the country will just have to wait to hear about…but I will tell you this, consider what would happen if we annexed either India or China. All those jobs would be ours once again. This is a bold new vision for America. One I heartly embrace. As a bonus, we would greatly expand our tax base.”
I: "Yes, well, I suppose we'll just have to wait to see how all of that shakes out…. One final thing, sir do you plan on debating your opponent?"
PC: "I'm so glad you asked that… Andy, we have asked the other side for a debate to be held each and every night at 9PM  before the election, but so far they have not responded to our challenge. It just goes to show you they are yellow liver lilied Commie cowards of the first order and cannot or will not respect the will of the American people."

So there you have it folks, some six months from now, it will all be over. About the same time, it takes a baby sheep or a goat to be conceived and born. Instead of watching these idiots talk about nothing, get a goat or a sheep going for you, wool and free grass cutting can be in your future.

There's a thought….

Be good to yourselves

See you next week…..Peary Perry