I THOUGHT I COULD....

 

I THOUGHT I COULD-------

I really thought I could be a substitute teacher at our local high school. I volunteered of my own free will. No pressure or threats from anyone but myself.

Boy was I wrong. I grade myself as a ‘F’ for the day. What was I thinking?

This was in no way shape or form ‘generational gap’. This gap was the Grand Canyon times two.

I was trying to get an idea of the relative ages of their parents, grandparents, and great grandparents, if they had any.

Their grandparents were in their sixties. I think I made my first mistake by stating that I was graduating from high school when their grandparents were being born. This was where it started to go south on me. I don’t think I have ever seen so many high school students with complete looks of shock on their faces at one time.

At this time, they began to look at me as if I were an alien from some distant planet. I am certain they are trying to figure out just how this ancient artifact of a human is still standing, much less trying to converse with us. Perhaps they were afraid I might just die in front of them, and they were asking themselves if they remembered their CPR class.

One of the students asked if I was born before the internet? I popped off and said, ‘I was born before television’. Right then and there I knew I had lost them.

Instead of seeing someone standing in front of them as an ex-military, ex-cop macho type of individual, I think they put me in the category of Tim Conway in the ‘little old fireman’ skits he used to do. I think they were surprised I wasn’t drooling.

Now I am wise enough to know not to try and insert their slang phrases of the day such as 6-7 or others currently popular expressions. But you would think they would give me credit for (1) being alive and breathing and (2) able to converse in complete sentences and answer any questions.

I wasn’t asked any questions other than ‘can I go get a drink of water?’ or ‘can I go to the bathroom?’. Lots of these all day long.

I will say this, they were all clean and as polite as they can be at this age. I just don’t think they have ever had to answer questions or formulate any opinions in front of someone as elderly as me.

The other thing that I noticed is the softness of their voices. This is the first time I have had to use my new hearing aids in a room with twenty-five other highly active people. I turned them up as high as they would go, but that only made matters worse. I heard every pencil drop, chair move and other noises while trying to comprehend what some youngster was trying to say about two feet away. I am getting them retested next month.

Then I will try again.

See you next week…Peary Perry