Ai SUCKS!!!

 

Ai SUCKS!!!!

As you may know I am an octogenarian (someone over the age of 80) and proud of it. I asked Google what you would be called if you were in your 90’s and they replied ‘dead’.

Not the answer I was looking for, actually you can be called a nonagenarian’. I object to the first 3 letters of this word being the pronoun ‘non’. As in, not here or doesn’t exist.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste and unfortunately once you pass 50 years of age, you start the downward slide into the black hole of life. Your brain starts to shrink as you get older. This means you have less volume to store stuff into. So for me, it’s like I had a huge warehouse for all of my stuff and now I’m in an efficiency apartment.

You have stuff in there you may never need again, but we all realize that if you throw any of it away or try to forget it, you will certainly need it next week. Like that old tube of caulk that you had around for several years and threw it away last week and now you need a dab of it to fix a hole where a nail for a picture used to be.

With my brain shrinking, I’m afraid to put much more into it for fear I might push something out that was really important. Like that guy that kept the number for his 200 million bitcoin account on his computer and then forgot his password. If I had an account with 200 million in it I’d have that sucker written down in several places. On a rafter in my attic or in my sock drawer. Maybe write it on a bunch of pages in my bible. Note to readers who are part time or full robbers…I don’t have anything like this, so don’t come to my house.

To give you an example of how easy it is to lose your information, I bet most of you cannot remember all of the phone numbers you had to memorize before cell phones. Now we just know them as a voice prompt like ‘call office’ or you hit #4. My grandmother’s number was JA-22675, but I’m telling you I can’t for the life of me remember my kids cell numbers. Gone, just gone.

There is no way for me to know how old any of you are that read what I write each week. Obviously, I don’t do this for a living but just a hobby and to keep the old brain working on something all the time. A lot of my weekly rants are to fill you in on what is happening in the life and lives of us that are now old. I hope you don’t mind if I share these things I am experiencing with you. You won’t find any info here about hip-hop or the latest songs. You will only hear from me about this process I am going through.

One I hope you get an opportunity to enjoy yourself as well.

I just have to remember not to put too much information into my shrinking brain which might cause me to forget where I live.

See you next week….Peary Perry

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JUST KICK ME.....

 

JUST KICK ME…..

 

As part of my civic responsibility, I feel it is my obligation to advise those of you much younger than myself of possible pitfalls they may encounter as they grow older. I consider these  bon mots to be form of a ‘public service announcement’ and thus they are tax deductions as well.

So, here it is: under no circumstances, and I mean zero, zip, nada, nein should you ever consider doing the following at one time:

Purchase a new cell phone, buy a new computer and new hearing aids all in the same month. In order not to waste any of your time, I will shorten each of these to CP, COM, HA. You should be able to figure out each from now on without much trouble.

Each of these devices operate on a multitude of Satan inspired little programs or doors called ‘apps’. Which is short for APPLICATIONS or God knows what. The CP, COM, HA all have these little ‘doors’ which require you to use a password to enter them and actually be able use them.

None of these are compatible with one another. I have had my old computer for over 8 years. One of the computer gurus in some place called Silicon Valley decided that since it was working entirely too well, they needed to change it all up and generate some huge profits so they could afford another mega-yacht for their mega wealthy friends and relatives. You can see these photos of perfectly muscled young men and bo-toxed women in various degrees of undress lounging in the sun on one of their many decks scheming of a new method to drive us crazy trying to operate their new systems. You never, ever see any photos of their overweight uncle Fred in a Speedo or their 89-year-old grandmothers in a bikini on their boats, do you? No, never. And you never will.

So, back to my problem. All of the ‘apps’ have their own special requirement for entry into their little app doors. Some want only a set of numbers, some want a capital letter and a series of numbers, some need a capital letter, a small caps letter and a number and finally, some want a symbol, a capital letter, a small caps letter and a number.

Ok, so you think to yourself… ‘I can do this’. So, you enter #345Mainstreet, that should do it, right?

Wrong, it says that you can’t use a password that you used 5 years ago. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning, how am I supposed to remember what I used 5 years ago? So you keep trying until you get one that works, but the problem then becomes…how do I remember it since it doesn’t make sense or is tied to something I can remember. So what do you do?

You get little book and write it down. But wait, this could fall into the hands of the enemy (your brother-in-law) and wipe you out. What to do?

So, you write it in code. Backwards or not using the first 3 letters or numbers. But then you forget the code and have to write the instructions to the code down but that could fall into someone’s hands as well.

This practice leads to your attempting to memorize these many different code words which you need so you can hear (HA) or call someone (CP) or pay a bill or get an email (COM). Not using the absolutely correct password then requires you to change your password at which time they will send you an OTP (one time password) to your cell phone which you can’t open since you don’t have a password yet. So, you send this OTP to your wife’s phone. This number might be 4 numbers or 8 numbers and you have about 23 seconds after it is received to enter it into the space on your phone or it will become invalid. This number can be resubmitted to you in the next 5 minutes, not any sooner. Meanwhile nothing gets accomplished in any way shape or form.

At the same time, those mega rich guys with their perfect mates are ordering more lobster and have their yacht moved to take advantage of the sun.

Later tonight at dinner, they will decide to change to password requirements to include a smiley face of some sort.

And they just lay back in their lounge chairs and laugh and laugh.

I hate these guys.

See you next week…Peary Perry

FIRST KISS?

 

FIRST KISS?

 

So, the other morning, my wife and I were drinking coffee and somehow got off on the subject of our first kiss. Now, bear with me here, we have been married for 54 years and met 55 years ago, so we aren’t talking about last week here. This was a LONG time ago.

Oddly enough, she couldn’t remember, which was a surprise to me because I though women would always recall something eventful such as this.

I tell young men who are about to get engaged to be sure and record everything about the time you asked her to marry you. Get yourself a little notebook and write down a few of the following:

Time and place, weather, where you were standing or sitting, what you wore, what she wore, how did she wear her hair? How did you wear your hair? Did you have any hair? Did she have any hair? what you ordered if in a restaurant, how was it cooked? Was it gluten free? the waiters name, description of the waiter, where was the waiter from? what you thought of the meal, what kind of music was playing, was it loud? who was the president of the USA, what was the Dow Jones Index number? What flowers were in bloom at this time of the year, was she crying? Why was she not crying? Where you parked your car, did you have a car? Did she have a car? What kind of car? What color were the cars? Did the cars run?

Trust me, your time in writing down a few of these items will be of tremendous benefit to you in the coming years. You will need most, if not all of this information at some point in the future. Pay attention to my next point.

If you do not have this information when the subject comes up, she will make it up and you will lose the discussion. End of the story.

You cannot refute a statement without facts (or evidence) of your own. Because she doesn’t remember any better than you can, she will make statements that you are unable to correct without hard cold facts. It is also very advisable to place a date on your information so you can verify it’s authenticity and not just made up in the last few days.

You might refer to a historical event of some kind that you recall happening on the night you proposed. For example, if you said something along the lines of, ‘oh, yes of course I remember, it was the dinner at your parents house where your Uncle Fred fell asleep at the table and fell face down into the mashed potatoes.”

No one could forget that event unless Uncle Fred did this on a routine basis. In which case you need to tie the event into some super memorable news item that no one would ever forget.

“Godzilla attacks New York City, but is driven away by Batman” is an event you would likely be able to recall, but probably won’t happen. Ever. Again.

No, I’ll leave it up to you to tie your special day into something that won’t ever be forgotten. Use your imagination. Ok?

See you next week….Peary Perry

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