MY MOTHER------

MY MOTHER----

My mother was 17 years old when I was born. By the time I was old enough to leave home, she was 39, so I never got much of a chance to really get to know and possibly appreciate who she was. We differed about many things over her lifetime. Politics for one. I tend to vote for the person I thought could do the best job. She voted for the candidate with the best hair. Therefore, Kennedy got her vote over Nixon, who she thought looked ‘sneaky’,

Our most argued issues were over how to raise children. Since I was an only child, she only had me to deal with for experience. We have 4 boys, which creates a different situation altogether. I don’t think she actually wanted to be a mother in the first place. Hence, I am an only child, or perhaps she was afraid she would get another one like me. Why knows? I never got a chance to find out.

I once asked her that if you had 1 child, how much love could you give them? She replied 100%. I then asked if you had 2 children and she replied 50% each. Since we have 4, she thought we were only capable of giving each 25%. I tried to explain that love multiplies, not divides and therefore we had 400% of love to give. She could never seem to grasp this concept.

But it’s true, isn’t it? As a parent, you are only as happy as your saddest child.

You cheer for their successes and weep for their heartaches your entire life.

My children are all grown men, some approaching social security age, but they are still my boys no matter how old they become. I worry for them when they are traveling or away from their homes. I am concerned when they are sick or having an operation.

It’s what you do. It comes with the territory and you never grow out of it.

I am not nor have I been a perfect father. I think I did the best that I could based upon the life experiences that I had to work with. There isn’t (to my knowledge) a book that someone wrote to tell me how to react to situations that arise at this point in my life. Someone once said that ‘today is the first day for the rest of your life’. They were right, on one hand you know your children are fully grown and you can’t fix or change anything about their personal situations at this time of their lives. For one thing, they don’t want you to do so.

But it still is an ingrained virtue of being a parent to desire only the best for them at the cost of every part of your being. What parent wouldn’t throw themselves in front of a speeding bus in order to shove their child out of the way?

I cannot take credit for any of my sons’ successes, nor will I accept guilt for their failures. They had theirs and I had mine.

I just need to go into this new year with the idea in mind that life is full of peaks and valleys that change from day to day.

I just must learn to be more patient and accept what I’m given. No matter what.

See you next week…Peary Perry

 

 

AND THEN I REALIZED ----

 

AND THEN I REALIZED, I WAS-----

 

Sitting in an easy chair with a hot cup of coffee watching my three great granddaughters open their Christmas presents, I began to realize…I was happy and having fun.

When was the last time you had fun? At some point in our lives our friends came to our doors to play for the last time, and we didn’t even think about it. What happened? When did we stop playing and having fun?

I know, we all got caught in that thing called life. Making a living, nose to the grindstone, shoulder to the wheel, eyes on the prize, all that other nonsense. And along the way, we got so consumed with ourselves we forgot to just stop and smell the roses. My dad used to tell me…’Don’t send me roses I can’t smell’. It has taken me a long time to figure out what he meant.

I remember being in Korea (after the war) and the people were so poor. No television, no telephone, no cars, no banks, no department stores but they were happy. They smiled and laughed and talked to each other and I thought to myself….how is this even possible? Don’t they even know what they are missing? I mean we have credit cards and lawn mowers ….I don’t think I ever saw a lawn much less one that needed to be mowed. I went to a Korean wedding once with food that was unbelievable and dishes I never asked what they were before I ate them. Several of them were fantastic until I found out what was in it. The event lasted all weekend and even though most of us couldn’t understand a word of the conversation, we had the time of our lives.

No, somewhere between then and now, which is a long, long time, I forgot to have fun and play. Like most of us, that are waiting until we can retire to enjoy life. Why shouldn’t we be enjoying every day that passes as if it were to be our last one?

Last night we sat down, popped some popcorn and watched a silly Christmas movie. My cheeks hurt from laughing this morning. When is the last time you switched off the doom news channels and watched something that made no sense but made you laugh? I bet it’s been a long time.

When’s last time you drug those old Monopoly games or Clue out of the closet and asked your neighbors over to drink coffee or wine and just play some games, no heavy talk, no television just communication with family or friends.

You were doing that very thing when your neighborhood pals knocked on your door to ask you to ride bikes or play ball with them. You talked, you laughed, you forgot about school or the yard you needed to mow, and you had fun. You were happy.

Don’t quit just because you’re old. Wear funny hats and clothes, no one cares any longer about the things you do when you’re old. They just think you’re going through your second childhood.

And that’s a very good thing, isn’t it?

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year…see you next week Peary Perry

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?

 

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?

Two authors, Joseph Heller and Kurt Vonnegut were at a cocktail party hosted by a very wealthy person. Heller asked Vonnegut ‘How does it feel to know this guy makes more money in one year than you will ever make in your lifetime with your books?’

Vonnegut responded by saying ‘He will never have something I’ve got’.

Heller was caught off guard and asked…’What is that ?’

Vonnegut replied..’Enough’.

So, how much is enough?

We see families of very wealthy people torn apart even though they have more money than they can ever spend. We read of lottery winners who are tormented by their massive riches and it’s responsibility and are broke again in a few years.

I say again, how much is enough?

Who needs or can use 15 cars, or 15 houses scattered over the world?

Who has 150 or 200 close ‘friends’ to occupy those vast buildings or otherwise they would seem cavernous and very lonely?

I have been around a number of wealthy friends over these past 80+ years and believe me when I say, they know who the suck-ups are and those who only take and mooch never giving in return. Most of my wealthy friends were also paranoid in thinking that everyone only wanted to be their friend for access to their resources. They found it exceedingly difficult to truly trust anyone.

If you are wealthy enough to own 15 cars and love to collect them as a passion, then good for you. I appreciate the fact that you have the resources to do this, but more things mean more potential issues, doesn’t it?

What does it take to keep them operating, how to secure, how to maintain, how to insure?

Owning a boat is the same, here comes a hurricane, watch out. Divide the number of times a year you actually go out in your boat by the amount of money spent for insurance, upkeep, fuel, food and dock fees. Better yet, don’t do that, it will only depress you.

I have a friend who owns 2 Bentleys, I love him like a brother, but he has to worry about where to park since jealous people key his car if it’s in an unsecure place. He pays extra for personal parking spaces in crowded areas. No one bothers an old truck, and we get there just the same, don’t we?

We watch those old English movies where the waiters or staff are always standing around waiting to pour the wine or another heaping amount of asparagus. I wonder if they really acted in this manner or is this fiction? It would seem weird to me to have servants listening in or hearing our family or marriage discussions. Besides, who wants to eat dinner dressed up like you do for a funeral? I eat dinner some nights in my pajamas. I suppose that would be frowned upon in many societies.

Now that I am retired, I find I am vastly over clothed. This means I have too many suits, sports coats, dress shirts and power shoes. I probably need 1 suit and sport coat and a good pair of black shoes. I can’t find any place in a town of 257 that requires me to dress up. Blue jeans, boots and a long sleeve shirt just about covers any place within 100 miles of here.

Same with our house, we have 1 guest bedroom. So, no more large groups can stay with us. But you know what?  We get to know people in smaller groups than we did when there were gobs of them for the weekend. You have time to talk and share and actually hear other people who are really conversing with you.

I am a blessed man, I have enough.

See you next week, Merry Christmas…. Peary Perry